Intimacy doesn’t just exist in romantic relationships. Anybody can be intimate with their romantic partners, friends, and family members. However, an intimate relationship doesn’t always come naturally, especially for some people. And that’s where a love and relationship coach will come in handy.
But before you start looking around for a relationship coach, it’s better if you learn about the basics of intimacy first. This is so you don’t enter any coaching contract with zero knowledge on the subject. Reading a bit about intimacy can help you be more comfortable once you actually do get a coach.
So, first things first:
What Is Intimacy?
Intimacy is the closeness between two people who are in a personal relationship. Note that it can be any intimate relationship, meaning it doesn’t have to be between lovers. These four kinds of intimacy don’t include sexual intimacy:
This is the ability to share one’s deepest fears, disappointments, dreams, as well as other complicated emotions. Having emotional intimacy means that you and the other person are comfortable at being vulnerable without feeling unsafe. Both people contribute to this ‘safe space’ and come from a common desire to refrain from judgment or even contempt.
This refers to the comfort a person feels when communicating views and beliefs without worrying about creating conflict. There is no pressure to agree, and all opinions are valued.
This type of intimacy is much like an intimate touching relationship, minus the touches. It’s because this type can only be experienced and achieved through physical closeness. Experiential intimacy can come in the form of private memories, inside jokes, and anything that involves the senses. You can’t be experientially intimate with someone who can’t understand any references to a specific smell, taste, or feeling.
Although the first thing that may come to mind when you hear spiritual is religion, this type of intimacy actually has nothing to do with any religious practice. Spiritual intimacy is the closeness achieved when sharing a moving moment like a sunrise or the birth of a wild and endangered animal.
But it’s also not all about witnessing something in person. Spiritual intimacy can also be felt when discussing ethics, personal beliefs of spirituality, and getting to know the other person’s sense of purpose.
All these types of intimacy require several factors before they can be achieved. These factors are discussed in detail below:
You need to be able to express what you feel or think before another person can make room for your new set of beliefs and values. If you and another person will refuse to talk about anything, no form of intimacy will be created. If you want to be intimate with a person and vice versa, you need to communicate and encourage the other party to do the same.
It’s impossible to be intimate with a person who doesn’t accept you. You need to be able to bare your heart and soul before you can get close to anybody. Acceptance has to be in all aspects of your life, including your past, appearance, beliefs, values, and pretty much everything that makes you, you.
The fear of being judged is probably one of the biggest hindrances to creating intimacy. Before a person can get close to another person, they need to be unguarded. And that will never happen until the person can be in the space of another human being without feeling threatened.
This is one of the strongest foundations of any intimate relationship. Without honesty, it’s challenging to begin and nurture any type of bond. This takes some time to gauge though, because honesty is something that’s only proven over time. The important thing is that the person is opening themselves to the idea of trusting another human being.
Every time you show concern and every time you care about another person’s well-being, you get one step closer to becoming intimate. Compassion gives way to understanding and forgiveness and should be extended to anyone you care about and even to those you have never met.
Affection can sometimes be physical, like a hug or a kiss, but not always. It’s spending time together, showing up for someone who needs you, a smile that shows you care. It’s taking action and actually doing something to make the person know that you value them.Trust
Trust is a two-way street that leads to a more intimate relationship. Intimacy can only be achieved by consistently and constantly proving that you’re trustworthy. Trust comes with a commitment to always do the person right. This will give them a sense of security which they will take as a cue to reciprocate.
Challenges in Creating Intimacy
Several challenges hinder a person’s ability to get intimate with another person. Most of them stem from the absence of one of the factors listed above. Sometimes, it’s due to past traumas and practical issues like financial problems and worries about a career. It might seem complicated, but if people worked together, it is possible to overcome these barriers.
Sometimes though, it’s not always easy for people to address these issues on their own. In cases like these, getting an intimate relationships coach might be the better option.
Get Help Today
Creating an intimate relationship or fixing an intimacy issue isn’t something that happens overnight. It takes work and a conscious effort to do what needs to be done to make things right. Talk to a coach at Daftein to book an online relationship coaching. Take charge of your personal relationships and get the guidance you need today.